The What And Why Of Depression

 

Happy Diwali, good people! Hope you are having the best of times. If not, let us keep the light of hope burning in our hearts till we learn to heal from the inside out.

Why Talk About Depression?

How many of you have felt numb while in a room full of people? Phased out while listening to the most mind-boggling stories? Been with the closest of friends and felt completely alone? Heard someone pour their heart out and had nothing to say?

That’s why.

Depression is widely prevalent in today’s world, with more than 3.5% of the global population suffering from the condition. In developing countries like India, people struggling with depression are more often than not denied proper care owing to the stigma surrounding mental health and scarcity of resources. 

Let mental health take a back seat, even if it can lead to people ending their lives? No, we need to talk and things need to change.

What Is Depression?

Depression is one of many mood disorders that leads to feelings of sadness, anger, and loss, affecting one’s everyday life and daily activities. 

Depression is not sadness. Most of the time, sadness or grief is associated with a particular traumatic event. However, depression is often inherent and can rarely be linked to a single cause. It is normal to feel down every now and then, but if you are stuck in the low, it might be a depressive disorder.

You don’t need professional help to come out of a feeling of sadness, but depression can be too difficult to overcome all by yourself. It is best to seek psychological advice if a depressive state becomes constant.

There are a lot of ways depression can eat away at your life, whether it be at work, in relationships or with family and friends. It can prevent you from being able to do your daily chores, eating, sleeping, and living.

My Depression Story

First things first, I figured out very recently that my depression has been a constant for 7 years now.

It started during my college days, having moved to a metropolis from a small town. I found it extremely difficult to cope. The college environment itself was a nightmare for me. I hated every single moment. I had trouble making friends, speaking up, trying to fit in, being myself around anyone and everyone. I felt like an outcast, alone and miserable. I became a loner to protect myself.

Times in University were the absolute opposite. I was an outcast there too, but because I was dumb enough to top my exams. No-one bothered to ask if I wanted to be their friend, but everyone wanted the notes I took in class. The worst part, it didn’t bother me after a point. I accepted the fact that I didn’t belong and I decided to be their notion of me.

COVID only made things worse. I didn’t know how to deal with the person I had become. I gave in. I resented doing what I once loved, I did nothing productive. I didn’t talk. I couldn’t eat or sleep. There was nothing to look forward to. I just waited for days to end. I suffered from breakdowns every other day, stuck and hopeless. I was on the verge of giving up.

But I didn’t. I opened up.

How Are Things Now?

No, I’m not well and good. I have to distract myself from my depression everyday. I can’t help feeling sad without a reason. I can’t help feeling numb and worthless at times. I give in to depressive thoughts and attitudes when I’m sitting alone doing nothing. It takes a lot of effort to be happy, but the days of pretending are over.

I haven’t healed, but I’m starting to accept the shape I’m in. I won’t force a healing upon myself. I promise to be unapologetically myself, uncloak what I lost, learn to live again, and through the process, continue to be there for anyone who needs me.

I want to create the safe space that I never had.

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