Battles Inside Out

25/03/2026 It's 3:55 am in the morning and I can't sleep. I like staying up, though it hasn't always been a choice to be honest. I love the quiet, the calm, the peace and absolute absence of interference. When I used to game, this was the best time to do it. When I stayed up late talking (in dinosaur ages), these hours struck up the best of best convos. When I needed to study, a lot, it was always the 4 am rush that pushed me. But now, it scares me. I realise that staying up late has done a lot of harm, to my body and especially to my mind. Quite literally, I'm unable to remember things. I forget even the slightest details of everyday happenings. It is just that I cannot sleep. I try. And I feel anxious. Such are the thoughts and visuals that flood my mind that I end up feeling even more anxious which again does not help the sleep at all. This cycle keeps repeating itself till I either give up and start doomscrolling or tire my mind out enough to fall asleep around 2 ho...

Dear Anxiety, I’ve been looking for you. Where have you been? Did you really bid me adieu? I keep going back to how you made me feel Those times when my legs went numb, on my knees I’d kneel, When I couldn't breathe, talk, or even walk When the world would spin like seconds on a clock. I felt restless and tense all day long A feeling of dread, oh so strong! Too tired to get out of bed Staring at the ceiling, ‘Am I alive? Am I dead?’ Walking cold past everyone you meet Cause all your feelings have taken the backseat. Wanting time to fly past you For there’s nothing you enjoy, no color, no hue. My head hurts, my body’s sore My tears dried up all too long ago. The aching heart no longer screams, It pretends like I’m in a bad dream. I keep forgetting where I put my things Stuck in a loop of insane mood swings Pacing up and down, trying to figure out Why do I feel like I’m going to blackout? Self-doubt’s ruining my life choices Have you ever heard those funny voices? 'You’re not goo...

Hello there! Hope you are doing okay. I haven’t been very consistent with my blog posts, have I? I don’t have an excuse for it. I am probably tired. Too tired of trying to change how I feel, what I do, what I think, how I am. Healing has not been easy. Sometimes I feel like I’m getting better, and other times, it’s back to square one (and dealing with failure is definitely not one of my strong suits). One thing that I now know for sure is that your healing can begin only after you have re-lived your trauma, been to where it started, examined every nook and corner of the dark places that hold you captive. That, in itself, might be the hardest part of it all. What is Trauma? Trauma is an event in one’s life that is too frightening or stressful to cope with and the effect it has on the person experiencing it. Traumatic events can lead to long term and life-threatening impact on a person and affect anyone at any age. It is a completely subjective experience, where two people might react co...

Hello there! How have you been? Isn’t it amazing how fast the last two years flew by or is it just me? Happy New Year by the way! I hope this year we find the courage to leave behind pain and sorrow and find new reasons to believe in good again. Life update: I completed one month working as a content developer trainee at my new internship. It has been a pretty decent experience so far. I started sessions with a new therapist, which is also going well. Life is good, if not the best. But now I know that it’s okay to not feel up to it all the time. And let me tell you this - recovery is not a one-way journey. What is Recovery? Recovery can mean different things to different people. However, the one thing it’s not is that it’s not synonymous to being “cured”. If I have to define recovery, I might say it’s a process of saving oneself from hopelessness, pain, sorrow, fear, numbness, and finding at least one good reason to keep doing what we love. The first time you enter recovery, you might...

It’s been quite some time since my last blog post. Honestly, I have been a little detached lately and even more so because a lot has been happening. The last day of November was also the last day of my first internship as a content writer. It was a beautiful first work experience and the day was pretty emotional for me. Not only that, I also had an internship starting the very next day and my best friend of 21 years was getting married! A little too much for someone who has trouble keeping track of the millions of thoughts that pace through her mind every second of every waking hour. Oh, and, I quit the very first day my new internship started. My anxiety was at its peak and it would’ve prevented me from making the right decision had I not countered the negative thoughts it triggered and the lies it told me. That’s why we are here today. What is Anxiety? Anxiety, not to be confused with an anxiety disorder, is simply a sense of fear or nervousness that one experiences when under stres...

  Happy Diwali, good people! Hope you are having the best of times. If not, let us keep the light of hope burning in our hearts till we learn to heal from the inside out. Why Talk About Depression? How many of you have felt numb while in a room full of people? Phased out while listening to the most mind-boggling stories? Been with the closest of friends and felt completely alone? Heard someone pour their heart out and had nothing to say? That’s why. Depression is widely prevalent in today’s world, with more than 3.5% of the global population suffering from the condition. In developing countries like India, people struggling with depression are more often than not denied proper care owing to the stigma surrounding mental health and scarcity of resources.  Let mental health take a back seat, even if it can lead to people ending their lives? No, we need to talk and things need to change. What Is Depression? Depression is one of many mood disorders that leads to feelings of sadnes...

  What are you thinking? Why are we suddenly discussing a random psychological illness? Well, it isn’t too random anymore, not to me. I was misdiagnosed and it broke me A lot is at stake when it comes to mental illnesses being diagnosed accurately. My first psychiatrist diagnosed me with anxiety disorder. The prescription had nothing else written on it, except for the two pills to be taken at night alongside a lone “Anxiety Disorder” hanging from the top. Not even the type of anxiety disorder I had. It didn’t matter then, I was truly glad to have gotten the sleeping pills. I slept well! Can you imagine?! I couldn't, really.  Now I know all of it only made me feel emotionally confused, vulnerable, and full of self pity. I was empty, heartbroken. A different kind of Durga Puja and my BPD diagnosis It was officially the first day of the festival and I had an appointment with my new psychiatrist. Ma’am, if you’re reading this, I honestly didn’t know what to expect. It might just b...