Dear Anxiety

Dear Anxiety,

I’ve been looking for you.

Where have you been?

Did you really bid me adieu?

I keep going back to how you made me feel

Those times when my legs went numb, on my knees I’d kneel,

When I couldn't breathe, talk, or even walk

When the world would spin like seconds on a clock.

I felt restless and tense all day long

A feeling of dread, oh so strong!

Too tired to get out of bed

Staring at the ceiling, ‘Am I alive? Am I dead?’

Walking cold past everyone you meet

Cause all your feelings have taken the backseat.

Wanting time to fly past you

For there’s nothing you enjoy, no color, no hue.

My head hurts, my body’s sore

My tears dried up all too long ago.

The aching heart no longer screams,

It pretends like I’m in a bad dream.

I keep forgetting where I put my things

Stuck in a loop of insane mood swings

Pacing up and down, trying to figure out

Why do I feel like I’m going to blackout?

Self-doubt’s ruining my life choices

Have you ever heard those funny voices?

'You’re not good enough, you never were.

You’re an imposter, a fraud, a failure.'

You’re too weak if you need help dealing with it

‘Have you even seen that orphan kid?’

He laughs and plays and jokes around

And for the slightest things you’re breaking down.

They say it gets better with time

Oh, and, opening up too much is never fine!

You just have to act like nothing happened

And soon Anxiety will become a good friend.

But, dear Anxiety, do you know the saddest part of it all?

I’ve been missing you all through the fall

Starting to feel like I’m addicted to the pain

So much so that I’d go through it all over again.