It's Better To Heal Sooner Than Later, Not Late than Never

“Without mental health, there can be no true physical health.”

I do not remember whose quote that is. I just know now that it is true. Alibi? Sleepless nights, falling barely into a slight slumber at 7 in the morning and waking up at 2 in the afternoon, tired and grumpy. There wasn’t a part of my body that didn’t start aching at some point in the day. Too exhausted to take a bath, have lunch or dinner. Felt like throwing up in the middle of meals. Who needs to eat if there’s no will to live, not even to survive. Breathing is a chore.

That was the story for a year until two weeks prior to the day I am writing this. 

And then I decided to open up. Not for the first time, but for the first time it reached people who were going through the same ordeal. So many of you out there told me how suffocating life had been in some way or the other. I might not have been able to share hearty conversations with these human beings in person, but the way I could relate to them made me hopeful.

I am most thankful to the people who asked me to get professional help. I took your advice and saw a psychiatrist. He heard my symptoms and was shocked at the fact that I had been sleeping around 7 every day for the past six months. I was diagnosed with anxiety disorder, depression, and sleep disorder. He prescribed me two pills and asked me to schedule an appointment with a therapist.

I started my medications that very day. It felt calm and relaxing after an hour or so and I slept around 5 a.m. That was huge for me, especially because I felt so rested and energetic in the morning. The whole day went well, no anxiety attacks, no moments of agitation or fear. Most importantly, I wanted to do something, to channel the vibe into something creative.

Thanks to one of my school friends, who really is a savior, a day later I started applying for content writing internships online. In a few days, some companies sent me test assignments. Attempting these tests alone was a new journey for me. I started exploring a very different version of myself. When I sit and type, words just flow incessantly, dampening all feelings of anxiousness. I feel alive and motivated. 

In these two weeks, I also completed Google’s course on digital marketing and applied for a training on Internshala. I received a call back from a company’s HR team, expressing they want me to join them as a content writer. I also had a session with my psychologist who was supportive of me following whichever career path I wanted to. I told her I don’t know the right way to go yet and she said it is totally fine with everything I am going through. All of this is exciting news, isn’t it? It is, to me.

Nevertheless, the reality might not always be so merry. I ended up going through an anxiety attack yesterday, despite having taken my meds. I might not even get the internship. I might not enjoy learning digital marketing just like I didn’t fancy Economics as a subject.

So what? So what if I end up defeated again? At least I won’t blame myself for not trying, for having given up at just 24 years of age. I might as well be depressed then and seek help again than being chained for life to a mirage of valor, trying to escape reality every single day.

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