Unlearning Suffering, Relearning Happiness!

 My life is an open book by now I guess, so I might as well turn a few more pages for you to read.

The day I saw my psychiatrist, he diagnosed me with anxiety, depression, and sleep disorder. Why am I saying the same thing? Well, I’ll tell you. The anxiety part was clear as day to me, with far too deep an interest in psychology and psychotherapy and with all my tremors, breathlessness, and feelings of fear.

However, that depression part came out of nowhere. For people with moderately acceptable mental health awareness, it must be very clear that depression and sadness are very different notions. If you want to know more, feel free to ask me or I might even dedicate a post to it.

That is beside the point. Since I am very self-aware and self-critical, I thought I knew exactly what problems I was facing. I never thought depression would be a part of my mental health journey. Yes, I have felt extreme sadness owing to a lot of things this past year, but never thought for once that I was depressed. I can smile, laugh, talk, eat, sleep. How am I depressed?

The realization came a day after my 25th birthday. My internship had just been confirmed and I was told that I would receive an offer letter so that I could start working from September the 1st. I was lying on the bed. Suddenly, a wave of happiness hit me. In a moment, I no longer felt that constant stabbing in my heart, it was gone! I was happy! 

I cried my heart out. I could feel everything. I realized there was no longer the need to numb myself because the suffering was fading away. I felt free and confident. I knew who I was. It wasn’t someone else’s body I was living in; it was me, my life, my happiness, my tears! It made me realize how depressed I have been for so long, for years maybe. 

(This tells you why you should seek professional help when you know things are going really bad.)

I sat up and kept crying and felt so, so thankful for everything in my life. All of it, every single part. I knew all along that I wanted to help people.

Now I know how. 

The world is full of suffering, hate, jealousy, pain, distrust, and vengeance. We all deal with these in some way or the other. Isn’t battling the outside difficult enough? Why run a war within yourself when you can be at peace if you are willing to? Why do anything at all that your heart says no to? 

Yes, sometimes we need help, sometimes we need to hold someone’s hand to cross over to the other edge. Believe me, there are people out there who would rather see you actually happy than be “successful” and fake it. I have some amazingly strong people in my life. You say there aren’t any in yours? You are wrong because I am one of them.

Today I am saying this to everyone who reads this blog, this post. It is my purpose in life to help you fight yourself. I know I am not ready to do that yet, but I will be. That day is not far away because I have many more tales for you to read that’ll show you how it has been working out. 

For now, I only give you hope. Soon I’ll be capable enough to hold your hand through all of it so you don’t have to go through the same suffering I have been facing; so that you can be your confident self and be so happy as to laugh your heart out with me.

I wish you all the very best in all of your endeavors and may you stay in good (physical, mental and emotional) health, every single day of your life.

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