Suicide Prevention Is A Myth!

 

Can you fall further into an abyss if you have already reached a dead end? Many of us think it’s impossible to go through more pain than what we have gone through already. But life is never out of tricks to bring out of its sleeve.

If you didn’t know, September is suicide prevention month. But September is gone and that is not what we are here to talk about. We are here to discuss something that demands even more attention and a little more than people telling us, “snap out of it already!”

There are many who feel suicide is something one does when they are too weak or too insensitive, that they are selfish, only caring about their own emotions and what they feel in that very moment. Ironically, it is just the opposite.

Suicidal people are the most empathetic human beings you will ever get to know. There is a reason I say this with such confidence. They decide on giving up only when they feel like a burden to everyone else around them. They do not want other people to carry even a morsel of their suffering, of what they are going through. 

Because they go through hell, literal hell. Can you imagine not having anything to look forward to? Not tomorrow, not in months, years or even in your life. Does it make you feel alive? Or does it cause sorrow, a feeling of deep agony? Suicidal people go through exactly that. They are walking, talking, smiling, laughing right in front of you. But they are dead inside. They feel nothing. A dark void, a sense of hopelessness, like grey clouds weaving a veil over your heart.

I have considered suicide multiple times in 25 years. I never wanted my parents to sleep with me, in the same room, at night. This is so I could self harm if I needed to desperately get out of my head. Several nights, in a haze, I have walked to the kitchen, held a knife in my hand and stared at it for minutes on end, unable to gather the courage to fatally injure myself. However, until a few days back I never felt at peace when thinking of ending my life. I felt confused, agitated, angry at myself for not being able to deal with anything!

However, a recent event taught me how overwhelming a suicidal thought can be and why all efforts of people trying to prevent suicide by sharing suicide prevention hotlines and self-love quotes, go to complete waste. I had an anxiety attack that evening. When all of it was over and everything seemed to have calmed down, a very sudden wave of happiness hit me and consumed my thoughts and emotions. I knew that giving up was the solution. I knew it for sure. I accepted it wholeheartedly and the acceptance brought peace of mind, body and soul. I was happy to let go, happy to finally be able to lift all the burden off me and ones most close to me. I knew they would be better if I was gone. It felt calm and quiet inside my head. No intrusive thoughts, no guilt, no regrets. Not even fear.

I would have given up that day for sure, had it not been for a friend who stayed with me on call till I could think straight again. So, this post is for you Aneesh. Thank you so much for that day and for every other day I needed you to just be there. You are an amazing person. I wish only the best for you and nothing else.

And for every single person reading this, if you are suicidal, please know it is not the solution. It never can be. I can’t tell you why, because I still face those thoughts now and again. But it is not, trust me. For others, try to be there for friends and family or even for other people who are suffering. It can save a life, literally.

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